It has been ages since I last posted anything. Things seem to change randomly and suddenly, which baffles someone like me because I am used to planning things, creating backup plans and getting what I want. However, since the past few months, it feels as if I am a mere spectator of my life, and someone else is living it using my body as a vehicle. I am so passive sometimes and so indifferent that I do not quite know what to make of myself.
From this identity crisis arose the question: What do I post on this blog? Do I share stories of my idols so that they may inspire others? Do I share music I like? Or book reviews? Or share information on the places I have been to?
Such was the force of all these thoughts that I went into paralysis by analysis (which is a huge problem with me). But then, I realised, I should probably just go with the flow(as light torture for my Type A personality). Write down whatever is on my mind at that very moment because I could plan all I want, but things somehow find a way to go haywire anyway! Plus, those who adore me (the count is about 5 people I suppose haha) would anyway read whatever blah stuff I choose to discuss. So I decided to follow Frida Kahlo’s lead:
“I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better.”
My cousin and I have been speaking a lot lately, and he is just awesome! It is a bizarre delight to know that there is someone else in the family who is almost equally saturnine as I am. Someone who not only enjoys the same movies, books and TV series but is also as sceptical and cynical about things as I am! We ended up discussing so many topics, but the ones that dominated the conversation were:-
1. Nihilism, Existentialism, Absurdism…Philosophy in general
There is a common trait in both of us, of discussing the futility of things. Extremely negative, pessimistic quotes by Seneca (“Why weep at parts of life, the whole of it calls for tears”), Sophocles (“Call no man happy until he is dead”) amongst other philosophers (Schopenhauer, Kierkegaard) were exchanged. I am pretty sure we could have brought down the joie de vivre of the most optimistic person. Then, we proceeded to discuss our mutual love for Albert Camus and how one should embrace the absurd. Finally, we concluded that we should live life anyway, because ‘One must imagine Sisyphus happy’ and continued to dabble in our dilettante pursuits. So basically, by some weird paradox, our mutual nihilistic tendencies help us lead a fuller, cheerful existence. Go figure.
2. The greatness that is Christoph Waltz
I remember the first time I saw Inglorious Basterds. The man who played Hans Landa was something else. The poise, the subtle gestures and the veneer of politeness while actually having all the power, the way the character seamlessly switched languages…everything…absolutely everything was brilliant! Even someone like me, who has zero notion of what constitutes good acting could understand what I had witnessed. Since I obsess over things I like, I ended up watching/reading all his interviews, because it just seemed like he is a man who won’t say much, but whatever he will, would be measured and sensible, which is a rarity in our times. In particular, I am rather fond of his interview with Stephen Colbert, where he discusses the Viennese fondness for thinking about death (a fact which makes me adore him more). He is a shining example of an actor who might have achieved global success later on in life, but once a star like him is born, there is no dimming its shine.
3. Roger Ebert’s contribution to the movies
My first introduction to Roger Ebert was through this beautiful comic by Zen Pencils. It is one of my greatest regrets that I go to know of him only after he passed away. Reading his blog and movie reviews convinced me that as long as they are well-made, one can consume a romantic comedy and a Fellini film with equal delight. In the end, they are all stories on screen. It is one of my aims to watch all the movies he listed as ‘Greatest movies of all time’.
So, that pretty much wraps it up for now. I realised this is my little space on the Internet and it is for me to do as I please. I need not treat it as another compulsion.Finally, after internally moping for quite a while, I have ‘opened myself to the gentle indifference to the world’ (L’Etranger, Albert Camus). It is rather liberating and I highly recommend it.